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"It's not when wild animals attack; it's more like when stupid people get bit!"
Some people bring happiness whenever they come; others whenever they go.
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.
NO OFFICER THERE'S NO BLOOD IN MY ALCOHOL SYSTEM!
Whoever said that money can't buy happyness; you haven't been shoppin at the right malls!
If practice makes perfect, and there is no such thing as perfect, why practice?
I haven't found my Mr. Right, Just Mr. Rude, Mr. He thinks he looks better than me, and Mr. Gives a new meaning to P-I-G.
Birdy birdy in the sky, why you do that in my eye? Looks like sugar, tastes like sap, o my gosh its birdy crap!
When you're arguing with an idiot, make sure that the other person isn't doing the same thing!
Anger is only one letter short of DANGER!!!
That's allright, that's okay, you're gonna pump my gas someday!!!!
Stop lookin at me that way.... your scaring me!!!
Guys are like crayons...64 is better than 1!
Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Silence is golden...but shouting is fun!
An answer to that nagging question............... I let the dogs out!!
We are the people your parents warned you about!
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems...
It's only funny till someone gets hurt...then it's hilarious!!!
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Madness chases some, but waits for others...
Even if the voices are not real, they have some good ideas.
I WILL NOT CHASE THE BOYS!I WILL NOT CHASE THE BOYS!I WILL NOT CHASE THE BOYS!UNLESS THEY PROVOKE ME!
I told my Dad i had stopped raising hell, and he called me a quitter!!!!!
Some people get lost in thought, cuz it's such unfamiliar territory.
Just because your not paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you!!!!
When the officer says: "Gee son you're eyes look red have you been drinking? respond:” Gee officer your eyes looks glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”
If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a watergun and squirt it into other peoples eyes!
I knew something was wrong when imaginary friends wouldn't play with me.
Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once!
SHUT UP!!! Or you'll make yourself deaf.
Give a mouse a cookie, he'll want a glass of milk.
4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Don't go for looks, they deceive, don't go for money, wait, go for money then when its gone, move on to the next guy!
Honk if you love Britney Spears, then drive your car into the nearest tree!
Don't do something that you can put off tomorrow.
Your village just called, their missing their idiot!
God made elks, god made deers,God made NSYNC a bunch of QUEERS.
Don't hate the player, HATE the game!
One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
Mystify people with your intelligence, and if you can't do that, mystify them with your B.S!
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF STUPID PEOPLE IN LARGE GROUPS!
OFFICER! I SWEAR TO DRUNK I'M NOT GOD!!!
No where on your birth certificate did it say life would be fair.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Act your age, and not your shoe size.